Never put up a faux image.
Sounds simple enough. You’re probably thinking “duh, no need to read this article.” And if this is you, maybe you’re right. Maybe you present yourself honestly — no part is fabricated or false.
The “faux image” has to be the greatest self-sabotaging agent in terms of attraction. Everything from mistrust from others to women being repelled is rooted in it. On top of the social setbacks, it’s responsible for much of the insecurity, sense of inadequacy, and lack of self-esteem one eventually feels.
This bullshit is a poison.
Yet, all of us have had a taste. It’s our go-to medicine when we feel that our core isn’t enough. It’s our quick fix short-cut when we feel like we can get away with it. The real killer is the fact that NONE OF US will admit it.
That’s the tricky thing about facades. Your ego will summon an army to defend and rationalize it before surrendering the lie.
What is a faux image?
Put simply, a faux image is pretending to be something or someone you’re not. Put another way, it’s a social mask to hide your true self.
The image I am talking about is deeper and thicker than the fabric on your back. It is everything that you project with your words, actions, mannerisms, style, lifestyle and more.
For example, are you going around telling people you’re a total player when the prospect of approaching a girl on the street sends chills down your spine? Are you going around telling people you’re a fashionista when you just started developing your style a few weeks ago?
Did you ever get asked about your past love life and exaggerate the figures and stories a little bit? If you can relate to this, then you know what it feels like to manage a faux image.
We’ve all had experiences when we were on the receiving end of such “white lies.” If you’re like me, you probably smile and keep it to yourself, but inside you can easily read that this guy is just an insecure guy who cares too much about what other people think.
An Honest Image Is More Attractive
The paradox of it all is that people will love you more for being honest about yourself than anything you could ever pretend to be.
“Being yourself” is not an excuse to be lazy and stop improving a part of who you are. Nor does it mean going around and showing people all your flaws when it’s not necessary.
It means that if you’re a white belt in a martial art, admit that you’re a white belt. If you’re a purple belt, admit that you’re a purple belt. Don’t go around with a black belt you didn’t earn just so you have the short-term pleasure of telling others that you’re a black belt.
This is where many guys fail. They add things to their stories that didn’t happen to make it more interesting, they pretend they got the girl when she clearly rejected them, they pretend to know something when they have no idea what they are talking about. Everyone sees through it eventually, or it catches up to them to bite them in the ass.
People will ALWAYS give you more respect if you’re honest about where you’re at. They’ll see that you’re a man of integrity, and a person who’s on his way towards consistent growth. Any time that you lie about who you are they’ll lose trust in you, and see that you’re always trying to cheat your way through life.
Making the Most of What You Have RIGHT NOW
When you’re trying to build any aspect of yourself, especially your image, it’s very tempting to pretend to be something that you’re not. We want to feel good about ourselves right NOW, and get to where we want to be as quick as possible, but by doing this we also set ourselves up for failure.
If you’re piling yourself into debt to keep up an image of a stylish guy, you’ll never feel real confidence because you’re continuously looking for the clothes to give you the value you want. The clothes aren’t a garnish to what is already a great dish, the garnish is trying to be the dish.
You will never feel or exude real confidence that women can feel just from your presence alone, because without the external validation you won’t have much self-esteem inside.
The TRUTH Will Always Surface
TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THAT YOU CANNOT CHEAT YOUR WAY OUT OF THIS PRINCIPLE. NO MATTER WHAT - PEOPLE WILL EVENTUALLY SEE THROUGH THE BULLSHIT.
Who you REALLY are will always surface, even through the smallest details. You may pretend to be an asshole but your courteous side will come through when you open the door for someone. You may pretend to be a player, but your insecurities will come through by the way you respond to a hot girl’s teasing. It’s through these details that give people the greatest window to who you truly are.
For example if one of your friends stole a candy bar right in front of you at a convenience store, you’d be careful trusting that person with anything else. You now know that he doesn’t respect the law and tries to take things without earning it. He might even lie that he paid the guy already when you clearly know that isn’t true. You might see him do the same thing again and again when he thinks you’re not looking.
You’d never think of partnering up with a guy like him in a business because he’ll most likely steal from the company or cheat in some way or another. The little things he does shows volumes about his character. Until he stops trying to cheat the principle that the truth will always surface, he’ll never get trust from people or the kind of respect he wants.
When you lie about your current place, you put yourself in a role which is very tempting not to keep up. By pretending to be more than you are, you’re actually stunting your growth and possibility for REAL change. You now get comfortable because you’re already where you want to be in the eyes of other people, and you’re less motivated to chase the goal now.
9 out of 10 guys will lie about their skills with women. For guys this is a touchy subject, and it’s hard not to. Men attach a lot of self-worth to how good they are with women so they get very defensive about it. But the guys who lie about where they with women will rarely, if ever, have the kind of success they want because they’re too busy keeping up their faux image instead of actually building their skills.
On the other hand, guys who acknowledge themselves a perpetually-learning student, will be looking out for ways to find the next step they need in order to actually build their attraction with women.
The Black Belt vs. the Yellow Belt
Going back to the martial arts example, you know that there is always that guy who just wants to get through the motions as quickly as possible so he can get his damn black belt. He just wants to be able to tell other people he’s a black belt and have a belt to hang up on his wall. He doesn’t care whether or not he earns it, he just wants it as soon as possible.
Then there’s the other guy with a yellow belt who just loves the art and just does it merely for the practice. The belt colors are a good benchmark to strive for but he is patient and does not want to move up until he feels deserving. This guy focuses more time on his stances and moves and learns how to do them properly with precision and proper force.
If these two guys both had a match, the guy with the yellow belt, who really knows how to fight properly, will come out the winner over the black belt who only pretends to be a master. In the end the black belt gets nothing.
Nobody respects him because he doesn’t even respect himself. All he has is a piece of cloth that he has nothing to show for. The guy with the yellow belt gets respect for being the best yellow belt anyone has ever seen, and his Sensei sees that now he even more deserving up moving up rank.
This is the difference between genuine core confidence and self-worth versus a faux image that has no benefit at all.
You may feel highly deserving of a high-caliber girl but you have to really be honest and ask yourself if you yet have the skills to attract this type of woman. Some guys can’t even say hi to a stranger, or talk to a woman on the phone, yet they act like they can get that hot girl walking by if they wanted to.
You Reap What You Sow
Take a look at your life. Is there any area of your life that you spend more energy trying to hold up the false facade of who you are rather than actively pursuing it? Do you TELL more than you SHOW?
If you are not telling the full truth is any area of your life, stop now before you dig yourself deeper and become trapped spending more energy trying to keep up the false image you’ve created rather than using your time becoming that person.
If you don’t believe me, try to outsmart people, try to get away with it. Most people aren’t dumb, if they are social people then they most likely have sharp intuitive skills. The bullshit sensor just goes off whenever somebody is putting up a faux image.
If everyone owned one of these bullshit alarms to call people out on their bullshit the world would be a better place
Whenever you pretend to know someone you don’t, to know information about something you really don’t care about, or be someone you’re not, remember that everyone will eventually see through it.
It doesn’t help you at all because all you’re saying at that moment is “Look at me! I’m insecure about who I am, I’m not good enough, let me try to cheat my way through life, and hopefully I’ll get away with it because I think you’re stupid.”
People close to you will always see through your lies, but usually keep it to themselves to avoid confrontation. They know you’ll just get defensive or get pissed off.
They’ll give you chances to speak the truth but every time you lie they’ll lose trust in you. When a real tough situation comes, nobody will be there to back you up because nobody can be a genuine friend to someone who is not genuine themselves. Nobody respects a person that doesn’t respect themselves. Most people will eventually get sick of your crap and may just cut you out of their lives, or go into the role of just using you for their benefit because you do the same.
This is a scene from the movie Glengarry Glen Ross. Kevin Spacey’s character pretends to know things he doesn’t and acts smarter than he is. After giving him chances to stop the bullshit, Al Pacino loses his cool and goes crazy on him. Kevin Spacey has nothing to say because he knows now that everyone can see through his bullshit. He has no way out anymore and has to admit to his real place. Notice how once it’s finally out on the table, people who have been holding back their thoughts come in and agree, like the guy at who comes out at the end and says, “You are a shithead, Williamson”. This scene would have never happened if Kevin Spacey was honest about his abilities and did the best he can to help instead of just trying to hold up a faux image.
“You never open your mouth, till you know what the shot is.”
Some people are so immersed in this way of doing things that they don’t even realize that they are doing it. They have been making excuses all their life and defending the false ego they have created for themselves.
Sometimes you have to go Al-Pacino on yourself.
Talk to yourself from an outside perspective and call yourself out on all your bullshit. You know what is truth and what is not. Don’t even let yourself rationalize or bend the truth to justify some of your actions.
If you want to be a genuinely attractive guy at the core…If you want people to genuinely love having you around…If you want to cause women to feel a natural, indescribable attraction for you…you must be honest about yourself at all times. If you have built up a huge identity for yourself that is false, and you are too embarrassed to admit your real place to your friends, then cut your losses and start over now.
If you continue lying about who you are, you will never become the kind of man you want to be. The principle guarantees it.
As a little experiment this week: practice being honest about everything.
Catch yourself when you lie about something you know, will do, have done, can do, etc. Notice when other people pretend to be something they aren’t and notice how it makes you feel towards them.
I think this is just a big reminder to anyone reading this blog. Image isn’t just your clothing or what’s on the surface. It’s the entire character of who you are, and this is one of those things that can’t go overlooked. So many people do it and they don’t know that it’s ruining their lives.
In other words: you can either live pretending to be someone, or actually work towards becoming that someone.
CUT THE BULLSHIT.
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